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Be First And Be Lonely

John Maxwell, renowned leadership guru, once wrote ""If you think you're leading and no one is following, you're just taking a walk." The truth is, every leader starts alone.

Robin Thinks

5/8/20245 min read

At this point, there are literally hundreds, possibly even thousands, of books on leadership. Leadership books (like almost all books) are written from one of two perspectives: the way things actually are or the way we want them to be. The books that tell you what you want to hear (the way we want things to be) are often best sellers. The books that tell you how things really are often don't do so well.

This is also why there is so much debate about what it means to be a leader. There will always be conflict between what we want leadership to mean and what it actually means. The truth is, however, that what it means to be a leader is quite simple.

Every leader has to have the ability to believe that a better world or a better way exists. In order to do that, they literally have to see or imagine something that currently doesn't exist. Do you know what we call people who see things that don't exist? Eventually, if they keep going long enough, we may call them "visionaries" - after they have success - but first, they are often just called crazy.

This is why one of the most important qualities a leader can possess is the ability to not care what other people think. People who are dependent on the good opinions of others for their sense of self-esteem (what we call "people pleasers") will never be effective leaders. In order to build the World Tennis Team into the global organization it is today, Billie Jean King had to walk away from what was safe, known and established all by herself. Although she had support - she founded the league with her then-husband Larry King, and sports executives Dennis Murphy, Fred Barman, Dick Butera, and Jordon Kaiser - it was her career that she was putting on the line. She walked away from what was safe and known out of an unwavering belief that she deserved - and had the power to create - something better.

Leadership just means "you go first."

The reason we hate the reality of leadership is that it literally requires us to step out in front (leaders lead from the front), which almost always require us to step out alone. And when you do, there is no guarantee that anyone is going to follow you. In fact, although people may eventually follow you, there is a real good chance that you're going to have to walk alone for a good long while before anyone follows along.

This is because people like to stand back and wait to see what happens to you before they decide to follow along. If you immediately fall on your face or have bad things happen, they aren't likely to follow. However, if you get back up and keep going and eventually experience good results from your actions, more people might be willing to follow. In fact, they may not even wait until you experience good results. If you get back up after initial setbacks and keep going, then what you are demonstrating to them is that you aren't going to quit and leave them in the lurch the second things get hard. People are often willing to follow people who simply demonstrate that they won't quit when things get hard.

What this means is that anyone - literally anyone - can be a leader.

Have you ever wondered why someone who seems so completely incompetent became a leader?

It happened because they were the ones who chose to step up when a leadership opportunity presented itself.

Leadership isn't dependent on competence, it is dependent on willingness.

Are you a leader or a dictator?

Incompetent leaders exist because competent people refused to step up and lead.

To "dictate" literally means to speak, and unfortunately, this is what too many people think leadership is. They want "leadership" to mean telling other people what to do. That's not a leader, that's a dictator. Literally. Leadership involves movement, it involves going first. You can't follow someone that refuses to lead, and if you aren't moving, you aren't giving people an opportunity to follow. Just because you give people an opportunity to follow, however, doesn't always mean they will. This is why leadership is so scary and why so few people do it. It's hard to step out in front all on your own. That's why leadership often involves a "leap of faith."

Many women who have grown up in religious settings were told that women can't be leaders and even worse, that God "ordained" somehow that only men be leaders. Today, however, many churches boast about what great leaders women are, but what is usually happening is they are simply applauding women who are great and getting other women to follow the male leaders.

But leadership is not a position you are handed, nor is it dependent on a title given to you by someone else. Just remember, anything someone else gives you can also be taken away by that same person. Becoming a leader generally involved nothing more than simply stepping out and chasing your own goals, plans or dreams. Billie Jean King never set out to be a leader or an icon, she just wanted to play tennis. Oh, and she wanted to be paid fairly for it. So all she set out to do was create a better world for herself, and in the process, she literally created a better world for all women.

That is all it means to be a leader.

One of the best examples we have probably seen in recent history of true leadership is Colin Kaepernick. He didn’t get a bunch of his buddies together to kneel with him, he took a knee alone. He also bore a great deal of backlash and hate for his actions – alone – until slowly, others began to follow. Eventually, his simple, small action led to a global movement, and recognition by one of the biggest brands on the planet. But before there was approval, acceptance, recognition and followers, there was an enormous amount of hate and pressure, including the loss of a career he had literally spent his entire youth working to attain.

That’s what a leader does. They go first, and often have to make enormous sacrifices to do so. When they do, they open a door for others to follow. They don’t tell others what to do, they do what they believe is right – first – and give others an opportunity to follow them.

Being a leader can be lonely. There is no telling just how long it may take for others to follow you, if they ever do, which is is why so many people reject the reality of what it means to be a leader. It's far easier to just tell others what to do than to step out in faith and do it yourself. Being a leader is not glamorous, it is not glorious, it actually kind of sucks - because usually, you start out alone.

So be first, and be lonely.

Cheers!

Robin